Rolfing this week has been pretty intense. The last few sessions in the ten series are called "integrative" sessions- that look to even out any issues that may be remaining in the body. Tuesday we tackled the upper body, and thursday, we tackled the lower body.
My upper body-- mostly my shoulders-- seem to hold the bulk of the tension in my body. This session was not as physically intense as some of the others, but it was so emotionally intense that I did end up having an emotional release. I broke down crying on my final walk at the end of the session.
I started to feel teary eyed near the middle of the session- as she moved from my right shoulder over to my left. My right shoulder is ok-- it's mostly my right arm that takes the fall for my left shoulder. My left shoulder has always been the tight one-- it's always a stretch to reach back for my foot in Eka Pada Rajakapotasana.
When she moved over and started working on my left shoulder-- I began to feel the muscles in the left side of my neck spasm, and sharp pain go up into my throat. I expressed my discomfort to my rolfer- she was able to fairly quickly fix the problem. But afterwards, she just held my left shoulder blade in her hand, just cupping it, and thats when I started to feel my heart beating in the back of my chest, and a tear welled up in my eye. My initial response was to surpress it and so she continued on with the session.
It hit me again though when they asked me how I felt, as I was doing my final parade in front of the professor and my rolfer. It just sort of spilled out- tears and gasping. I felt a slight pain in the back of my chest- there was a new space there-- that spot wedged between my left shoulder blade and chest.
After that experience, I decided to attend a Yin Yoga class on Wednesday afternoon. Yin yoga is so far from the yoga that I practice regularly-- and it's something I really need. My body is tense. I hold on for dear life...being instructed in Yin yoga to just let go-- is really hard. During that entire class-- I was so aware of the tension in my body. The holding is sooo habitual-- it takes me several moments to release some of it. It's a slow process. After holding the pose for ten breaths I feel my body sinking more but it's never a full release. I am definitely going to make an effort to practice a slower, more restorative yoga at least once a week. Also, after thursdays session, I have gone to beginner flow classes in hopes of taking some time to notice and be more aware of these new changes and movement in my body.
Thursdays session was not as emotionally intense-- a bit more physically intense. Aside from having very little movement in my shoulders previous to my rolfing experience, I also have tight hips- or my abductors tend to be super tense. Frog pose is my least favorite pose in Yoga. Let's just say I feel more like a frog after that rolfing session...and I totally have a sweet brazilian bikini butt.